Sex or Skydiving – Which is Better?
If you’re shaking your head in confusion right now, you’ve probably never been in a skydiving landing area. If you had, you’d most certainly have heard more than a few freshly-landed tandem skydivers yowl, “Oh my GAWD! That was better than SEX!” We hear it so often, as a matter of fact, we got a little confused ourselves. Is skydiving better than sex? (I mean, if it’s volume that proves the point, we’re jumping, like, ten times a day, so…) At any rate, we decided that we need to resolve the issue once and for all. So: We sharpened our pencils, dusted off our graphing calculators and got to work to look at sex vs. skydiving.
1. Skydiving is way safer. (Sex: 0; Skydiving: 1)
There’s an old-timer joke that the SoS guys and gals like to tell us new kids: “I remember the days when sex was safe and skydiving was dangerous.” These guys were jumping at a time when every skydive was essentially a BASE jump, but the only part of the hospital that your bedroom antics were liable to land you in was the neo-natal ward.
Today, it’s the reverse! Modern technology and training have made skydiving safer than commuting–than running across a parking lot in a lightning storm–than hanging out with cows, even. Today’s skydivers jump with tiny computers that deploy our (reserve) parachutes for us if we don’t do it ourselves. We even have audible altimeters that chirp to tell us our altitude during freefall. (If only we had such warning technology in the realm of hookups, n’est-ce pas?)
2. Skydiving is the perfect open relationship. (Sex: 0; Skydiving: 2)
In skydiving, the more partners you have, the better! When you’re out at the dropzone with your main squeeze and they ask to bring someone else in on the fun, everybody involved is like thanks, honey–heck yeah, let’s do this thing. The whole group lands, breathlessly bullet-points the highlights of the fun they had and then gets organized to do it all again. No awkwardness! No scary doctor visits! No uncomfortable conversations! No waiting a week for a test! And no jealousy! (Unless one person doesn’t manage to get into the formation, that is, but no freefall fling is perfect.)
3. Skydiving is the less expensive hobby. (Sex: 0; Skydiving: 3)
Okay: Skydiving is expensive. But let’s add up the costs for that other pastime, hey? Dinners, drinks, clothes, hair, makeup, fancy underpants, flowers, spendy weekend adventures, gifts, replacing your ratty sheets and the old futon you’ve been hauling around with you since grad school….that stuff all adds up. And what if it works? Raising a child will set you back an average of $250,000, and that’s just from birth to college–most kids these days hang around much longer than that. For $250,000, just think about it: You could travel the world and skydive at every exotic drop zone…or you could train to be a world champion and get some gold back for your trouble.
4. Skydiving is an obsession that keeps giving back. (Sex: 0; Skydiving: 4)
Skydiving will never blue-check you. It’ll never forget to like your latest selfie. It’ll never give you mixed signals that leave you wrestling logic like you’re grappling with a greased watermelon in a swimming pool. And if you need some, you’ll always know where to go: Screeching up to the dropzone for a fix.
At the dropzone, you’re among peers. After you make your first jump, you’ll throw yourself into learning to skydive and spending all your time and money at the dropzone, and no one there will frown upon you for your obsessive behavior. In fact, they’ll probably race to manifest with you, ’cause they’ve got it just as bad.
Skydiving Wins…But Y’know What? So Does Sex.
Didn’t see that one coming? Lean in, grasshopper. Though we have scientifically proven here* that skydiving is better than sex in our sex vs skydiving analysis, we’ve also discovered a little off-label side effect of skydiving that might be of interest to you wanna-be half-naked neo-hippies out there. With a healthier, more positive outlook on life–thanks to skydiving–you’ll feel more confident, you’ll be fitter, and you’ll be more willing to take a chance on a hello. That will likely translate into better prospects in your most personal of personal lives, ain’t that so?
So: Do you come here often? You should. Learn more about tandem skydiving or contact a member of our team with any questions you have.
*Shhhh, Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Shhhh.